Cowlick had a show at The Playground last night.

Whenever we have a show a series of emails will go out that day about what time we are going on, who will be there, and if we are meeting for dinner before, which we frequently do.

BJ started the email chain yesterday and accidentally put me on the list. Accidentally. Maybe he did this cause he was on autopilot, and when he is just following his quick judgement, I still have a place on the team. The fact that I'm not there takes a little extra thought. Like a ghost of me is still performing with them.

I knew it would take time to get used to performing with new people but I was still blind sided at my first show at the Theater. I remember walking out on stage and looking at my cast mates and thinking 'Your not Tim, and your not Shelby...oh shit. I don't know your nuances...when is Mary Beth going to come out and play my daughter?' It made me feel very alone.

I like to think that everyone on Cowlick still considers me as a part of the team...and I obviously think so, since I still talk about them in the present tense. I have to I guess, it keeps me a little more balanced. And sometimes the truth is not as important as the lie you tell to make yourself feel better.

Me: (via email) I'm going to be late...but I'll be there. When do we go on again?

Jason: (via email) You go to hell Sarah!