Chicago: Day 3
The past three days have begun the exact same way. Wake up. Trudge through the snow to Starbucks. Come home and get ready for interview at (insert name here) Staffing Agency. Lazily drink coffee, get dressed, and put myself in an 'interview' mindset. 'You are good at interviews, you're highly employable. This will be easy, it always is.'
Go to interview. Feel at ease while talking with recruiter. 'See this is easy.' Take tests. 'Uh oh.' Feel trepidatious when the overly friendly recruiter doesn't seem as enthusiastic as before. 'She's not looking at me in the eye.' Leave (insert name here) Staffing Agency feeling defeated and without leads.
Start walking. 'Oh shit, what am I doing here? Maybe it wasn't time to come back yet. What if I can't find a job? Even worse, what if I find a job that I hate? What if there isn't a job out there that would make me happy? What if I become the type of person I don't like? What job would make me happy? I don't even know. Why can't I just make enough money acting? That's going to be hard. I should go back to school. It was stupid not to finish school. What if it's too late? If I started school now I wouldn't be done until I was 30, and if I went to grad school 32. Is that too late to start a career? What about kids? I don't want to think about kids. Did I just waste years of my life? Am I running out of time? Out of time for what?'
Start crying while walking down busy downtown street. Pull the brim of my hat low over my eyes and silently cry on the train, not caring if anyone notices. Get back to Arnie's apartment and cry, not so silently, because no one is home. Make lunch. Get on Craig's List and look for a job.
posted by Walking Into Pictures @ 3:52 PM
5 Comments:
Sarah: It's never too late to go to school.
I just went back to school, and I AM 30.
And (contrary to what my blog says today) I'm happy. In fact, it's the best thing ever.
You will be fine. You followed your heart. Be true to yourself and the rest will follow.
I am sure of it.
Thanks for such an insightful, authentic and interesting thinking and writing. For what it's worth, I went back to school when I was 27, am 38 now and doing a PhD. After endless jobs in art galleries/copywriting/radio/gas stations/convenience stores/children's toy stores/restaurants...it finally feels like I am on my path. Life is way better, more meaningful, more challenging than ever. I know several people who have been in their early thirties, with young children and doing the same thing. This is just the hard part that sucks and kicks your self-esteem in the teeth. You are obviously smart, talented and (as you say) infinitely employable. It's coming. :-)Spring makes things way more hopeful...
Sarah, you are so talented. You will soon be making a living off of being a professional actress. I have no doubt in my mind. Don't worry about a frou frou office job. Plus, it's never too late for school. Go if you want. My grampa went to college when he was 65. No worries!
Sarah, you are so talented. You will soon be making a living off of being a professional actress. I have no doubt in my mind. Don't worry about a frou frou office job. Plus, it's never too late for school. Go if you want. My grampa went to college when he was 65. No worries!
Sarah. Don't cry. It might mess up your lip gloss. Miss you butthole.
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